Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Mouse Hunter

Fucking rodents.

And, even more emphatically, FUCKING NEIGHBORS who don't properly bag their trash! Just last night I dropped a bag of trash off and saw that some dumbass had left four huge open bags of food-y garbage in the trash room, and I thought, "Well, hey, thanks, developing world neighbors! Thanks a buttload for ringing the rodent dinner bell!"

And, no, I don't say make the developing world comment without cause - the culprits on the open bag o' garbage phenomenon in the building are from India and Uzbekistan. The shocking part about the Indian neighbor is that he's a physician!! You'd think he would have a clear vision of what unbagged trash can lead to, but apparently he doesn't give a crap. If you see him in the hallway (a very rare thing) and say "Hello," he will look down, look away, slam the door. Nice guy. At least he doesn't lock his naked, genitally shaven wife out in the hallway like one of my Indian ex-neighbors.

The uncleanliness from the Uzbek bachelor does not surprise me at all. I once stayed at a friend's apartment in Tashkent, Uzbekistan. She was gone for the week and left me the keys. She failed to mention that the upstairs neighbors disposed of their trash by throwing it down onto her balcony. She had a fucking colony of rats living on her balcony. I had to learn the Uzbek terms for rat trap and rat poison and go to the market to get stuff. Just laying it out, I was terrified of being bitten. (Then again, if you go to the Uptown Theater in Cleveland Park, you can run the same risk. Nice, huh?)

And yes, end result of the unclean neighbors... I have mice in my kitchen again. Goddammit. Nothing like opening the storage drawer on the stove today only to find a pile of mouse turds. Did I say "Goddammit" already? Yes? Well, hell, let me say it again:

GODDAMMIT. Muthafuckin' rodentia.

I have a call in to the exterminator, but, for now, I've made a trip to Target, where, much to my delight, glue traps and mouse poison were both on clearance. (So was bleach. I'm bleaching the crap out of everything.)

Here I come, mousie, mousie. Prepare to die.

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