It's 3:24 in the morning.
And it's Wednesday.
I woke up about thirty minutes ago with my eye hurting so much, it was impossible to sleep. The sensation is hard to describe, but there is so much pressure behind my eye that I get slammed with waves of nausea.
It's worst when it hits me at work. In the past week, it's happened at a couple of meetings. I wait for the day when I can't control it by just being quiet and calm, and I hurl at a conference table. I fear that because the super-fun nausea waves come on so suddenly - there simply isn't any warning and no time to prepare.
And so, here I am, at 3:27 now, riding the wave. There is some lame-ass pyramid scheme money-sucker infomercial on the TV in the living room. I didn't even have the energy to turn on something edjamacational and soothing on cable.
My favorite thing on mornings when I'm feeling sick? A&E in the Classroom. Makes me feel more virtuous about being home & nonfunctional that flipping two channels down to "Drama in the Daytime." (I think I've finally hit my saturation point on reruns of "Charmed" and "ER"...) And now that reading for pleasure has, well, lost its pleasure, the TV is more of a friend than I ever intended it to be. Ugh.
I think I need a couple of days at a beach. A quiet, post-holiday, kids-back-in-school beach. I want to be somewhere where I can hear the surf and track satellites against a starry sky. I want to be someplace other than here right now. I feel like a day and a night at the ocean might suck this nausea out of me.
I wish it could suck this illness right out of me. Suck this blindness right out of me.
I want to enjoy reading again.
I want to drive without fear again.
I want to sleep without interruption again.
I want to be unafraid of being broke all the time.
Boy, I sure do want a lot of stuff, huh? Greedy girl!
Okay, I'll try to sleep now. Much to do at work tomorrow. I love my job. I adore the people I work with. Man, am I ever lucky.