Sunday, October 22, 2006

Not Dead Yet!

But it was good to have a couple of days away from blogging. I haven't had much to talk about, other than my broken record litany of "broke/blind/broke/blind" and that gets awfully stale. (Oh, if my hair continues to fall out, I can add "bald" to the litany and make it a trifecta!)

In my time away from the Church of the Big Sky, I started drafting a more serious piece about my misgivings over a Hillary Clinton presidential candidacy, and I also pulled a few really old photos from my albums to share when I'm in scanning range tomorrow. In looking through my old photos, I recognized two things: 1)I haven't aged well; and 2)I have had some of the most hideous haircuts/styles in recorded history. This goes waaaay beyond the 80s uber-short hair, kids. I mean it. Sca-ry. (And since I don't want your eyes to melt like a Nazi in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" I'm not forcing those haircut photos on you, I promise.)

My birthday's coming up soon, and I'm feeling a bit melancholy about it. I'd hoped to have achieved more progress than I have at this point. This was supposed to be, to borrow a football term, a "building year" but instead, it's been thick with stumbling blocks and upheaval and brambles I haven't quite cleared. I am a walking disaster zone.

I need to find some momentum. I need a big kick in the pants. I need to become more focused on what I really want to do when I grow up.

And I need to spend some time at the ocean. I wish it wasn't quite so long a schlep to the shore from here. I just need some ocean time to clear my mind.

And a boyfriend.

I need one of those, too. (Dear god, do I ever!)

And a pony.

(Hey, I figured if I was getting into the realm of the impossible, might as well add the pony. A girl can dream, after all.)

Come to think of it, the pony's probably more realistic than the boyfriend at this point...


Claire said...

hang in there, M!

I managed to get through my usual bday melancholy pretty unscathed this year. I even felt motivated for some serious change, but it all seems to have melted away in the course of a few weeks into the status quo. Not uplifting, but I do well understand inertia and not knowing what you want to do when you grow up.

But since that's a bummer, the least I can do is email you the ocean.

Sudiegirl said...

Men can be over-rated. I'd say go with the pony too.

I'm anticipating a gloomy week father's one year passing anniversary is on Saturday, and I intend to crawl under the bed and curl up in a fetal position all day.

Anonymous said...

honestly, i think the pony would be less work than the man... ;)

seriously though, i get where you're coming from. and you deserve so much love. here's hoping this next year finds everything working out...

Anonymous said...

Yes, men can be overrated. I know I can do without them.

I know how you feel about a kick in the pants though. I wish I could kick myself - hey, I'll kick you if you kick me!

Janet Kincaid said...

Ocean time... very important. Rehoboth: only three hours away. I leave around 4:00 a.m. and arrive in time to see the sunrise. Very therapeutic.

I second the motion on the pony. Or, you could get a dog. Both are good for the soul.

Scholiast said...

Would this do for a view?

I'll send you an ocean postcard next time. Brought to you by a dead handsome, single & intelligent postman ;)

spocko said...

A friend of mine called to see how I was doing. I had a miserable soul crushing, "Who do I think I am? I'm a stupid loser" week. I told him about it and how I should just try and get a 'real job' at a company. His response, "But Spocko, you aren't smart enough to work at a real company." I cracked up.

Guys will do that for you sometimes. I said, "Fuck you! Here I am feeling bad enough as it is and my best friend tells me I'm stupid. FUCK YOU! FUCKKKKK YOOOO!!'

It was pretty funny and very cathartic. Turn some of that "Life sucks!" OUTWARD. Blame others! Look at it this way, how would you be doing if we had paid national health care? You might still be half-blind but you wouldn't be broke. Now who has made it their life work to keep health care out of the hands of everyone? Think about all the people who have had to decare bankruptcy (and all the pain that entails) because of health care payment problems.

I think about how many people are trapped in a shitty job because of the "benefits" or in a crappy marriage because that would lose their health care. Can you imagine the explosion in job creation and movement if people had national health care? I can and I think that is another reason why people "in charge" don't want it.
It's called the status quo for a reason. From the Latin word "Statos" meaning "Stuck in the" and "Quotas" mean "mud" or "shit"

So I say the mentally healthy thing to do is to blame others.

P.S. Hi to Swachquash

Heather Meadows said...

It's a crime of this era: there are too many options. I've had a hell of a time picking a "career", and even now I'm thinking "what if there's something better?" Hard to make any headway if I'm always starting over.

I so envy the people who've always known what they wanted to do.

Anonymous said...

I read your blog in chunks, every couple of weeks, so forgive me for adding a comment to an entry so obviously past its "best by..." date, but I couldn't let this one pass.

I don't know what this says about me (or you for that matter), but I don't talk like a pirate, am gainfully employed, am not homeless, don't know ANY tricks involving eggs, am somewhere between 5'10" and 5'11" and can prove it if necessary...

...and I would date you in a heartbeat and have felt that way almost from the day you starting posting to the pennlist.

Not crazy, not a stalker, just a longtime fan and shy admirer

Merujo said...

Anonymous MP fan, I can't tell you how you have just brightened my day. I sincerely think I'm blushing. I feel underdressed to read such a lovely thing. :-)

If you happen to find yourself in the DC area, will you join me for a cup of coffee?



Anonymous said...

It would be my pleasure to share coffee and conversation with you.

Actually, I feel really stupid and embarrassed now that I went the cliched "secret admirer" route. I don't have a blogger account, but why I didn't choose "other" I really can't say for sure now.

We've traded a very few pennlist-related messages in the past, but I was always so intimidated by your writing skills that I never pursued anything beyond the matter at hand.

But this is ridiculous... isn't it? If you'd like me to drop you an email with my real return address and everything, just say so.

But If I'm starting to creep you out, I understand that, too.

Merujo said...

Nah, I'm not creeped out! Pirates with dirty clothes and egg "issues" creep me out. ;-) Drop me a line!