I just read some entries from Sheryl Crow and Laurie David's Stop Global Warming Tour blog, via Drudge and the Washington Post. Here's my fav-o-rite entry, posted by Crow on April 19th:
"I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required."
Riiiiight. One square of toilet paper.
Maybe Ms. Crow only requires one square of toilet paper, but I reckon most people need more than that. Seriously. Would you even want to touch the doors of bathroom stalls in a "one square only" world? No freaking way!
Look, there were times in Russia when I was stuck in disgusting public toilets - and I really, really mean disgusting - with no toilet paper whatsoever. I carried little pocket packs of Kleenex with me, but when they ran out, I used whatever paper I had in my purse. Nasty. Grim. And always -at the maximum - the equivalent of a "one square" affair. Not good and sometimes really... just bad. When that was coupled with a non-functioning sink or no soap??? Well, you get the picture. Pretty nasty. And this was in the pre-Purell days.
I have a better idea. How about no more actual, physical Sheryl Crow cds? Make her a download only gal. That should suit her environmentally friendly needs! Think of all the paper that will save in booklets and tray liners! Or, she could have her cd materials printed on recycled toilet paper. After all - cd booklet pages are just about the dimensions of a nice sheet of TP. And, that way, if Ms. Crow's next cd blows, you can show your opinion by using "one square" on your baby-soft bottom. Even better, with that awful recycled paper, you'll likely give yourself a rash and be able to announce to all who care, "$15.99 for a cd with only one decent song? Wow, that really chaps my ass!"
I have nothing against Sheryl Crow, by the way. I own three of her cds. I just find the "one square only" idea fairly unrealistic and unsanitary - trust me, I've lived the results.
Why not start with banning junk mail? I take a box of that crap down to the recycling bin at least once a week.
I'll be keeping my Cottonelle, thanks.