This conversation actually happened between 3:05 and 3:07 p.m. today...
Me (waiting for unfamiliar young studly dude to pull laundry out of the dryer)...
Dude: "Uh, you waiting to use this?"
Dude: (pulls laundry from dryer, starts to walk out of laundry room with armful of clothes)
Me: "Excuse me. You forgot to clean out your lint."
Dude: (laughing) "You're kidding, right? I'm a guest here. You can get that for me."
Me: "Uh, no, buddy. I don't think so. That's not just fabric fuzz, you know. It's also your dead skin and hair. You can remove it yourself. I don't work here, hon."
Dude: "I doubt it's my hair. I wash and comb my hair, lady. Anyway, I'm clean. Have a nice day."
Me: "Uh, no, bubba. I'm not talking about the brushable hair on your head. I have no interest in handling your butt and nut hair. Clean it out now."
Dude: "I don't know why this pisses you off so much. So it's got hair in it. It's laundered hair! It's clean."
Me: "It's laundered nut hair. And unless I'm married to you or paid to wash your clothes, I have no obligation to handle your butt and nut hair. Clean it out."
Dude: "I'm gonna tell my friend her neighbor is a bitch." (Returns to clean out what I'm uncharitably going to think of as "butt and nut hair" from now own.)
Me: "That would be fine. Be sure to tell her the bitch is Merujo in Apartment X. You know, the building security representative? And tell her to have a great day and that she might want to escort her visitors to the laundry room in future."
Dude: "..." (leaves, slamming door behind him.)
Dude: (from hallway) "Oh fuck."
But apparently, he has the cleanest nut hair in the county.
J'aime la "vie d'appartement!"
And God bless us everyone.