Maybe the FiOS programmer was celebrating 420???

Quick lunch break story: I woke up at the crack of doom today, unable to sleep anymore. I flipped on the TV to see what was on and accessed the on-screen FiOS listings. "It's Me or the Dog" was one of the offerings on Animal Planet. "It's Me or the Dog" is a UK-produced show featuring dog behavior expert Victoria Stilwell and a lot of angry, incontinent dogs and their hapless masters. It's a little like "The Dog Whisperer" without all the SoCal plastic surgery on the pet owners. And I don't think Cesar Milan would look good in Ms. Stilwell's dominatrix-style boots. (Unless you're into that sort of thing.)

But I digress...

FiOS TV service provides you with short descriptions of programming. Sometimes, the text is very straightfoward and sometimes it actually gets snarky. (You wonder if the person typing it in just lost a job.) However, today's adventure in on-screen text seemed to indicate that the FiOS employee had suffered a seizure or was really, really, really profoundly high. What follows is the is the verbatim program description for "It's Me or the Dog" as provided by the fine people of Verizon:

"Karen, believes that her newly purchased cat, Niles, is possessed and straight from bowels of hell it was purchased due to his resemblance to a cat; it's abhorrent its cat's behavior is abhorrent, it bites, growls and pees inside the home."

(Niles, for the record, is a chihuahua.)

FiOS, FiOS, FiOS peeps - didn't you know, if you bring hallucinogens to work, you should always bring enough to share with the whole viewing audience?

Illiterate and confused is no way to go through life, son.