tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11125127.post112360891075426384..comments2023-05-02T10:52:43.408-04:00Comments on Church of the Big Sky: MommyBlogging and the SpinsterMerujohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14123831956012950960noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11125127.post-1123761904814345112005-08-11T08:05:00.000-04:002005-08-11T08:05:00.000-04:00For every HappyMommy blog gushing over the wonderf...For every HappyMommy blog gushing over the wonderfulness of babies, there's no blog for the previous generation of HappyMommies whose gurgly little bundles of joy have turned into teenagers...<BR/><BR/>Don't get me wrong -- I love my kids and, as teenagers go, they're not a bad lot. But there's a huge difference between sleepless nights due to 2am feedings and sleepless nights due to it's 2am and they're not home yet and you keep hearing sirens going by.<BR/><BR/>And, as someone has already mentioned, during twenty years of stay-at-home-motherhood, I've certainly had my moments of doubt -- even moments of despair. There will always be a part of me that (who?) wonders what my life would look like if I hadn't gotten married and had kids (married at 23, got pregnant on my honeymoon like a (then) good little Cat'lik girl -- and not three blocks from St. Peter's Square, too, hee). <BR/><BR/>But if you really, really want kids, you can have mine. Seriously. All three are in private college right now, and we're paying 33K, 36K and 42K per year for them, respectively. Good fun, eh?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11125127.post-1123698974438224762005-08-10T14:36:00.000-04:002005-08-10T14:36:00.000-04:00Y'know. There's days that I wish I were a spinste...Y'know. There's days that I wish I were a spinster, myself. For each of those adorable moments, there are 99 difficult, stressful, trying, worrisome, exasperating, defeating, and difficult ones. They just don't make such good blog fodder.<BR/><BR/>Then there are days that I just wake up and I want to suck inside my own head, either in the name or artistic endeavor or naked selfishness, and I just don't get to. It's ok. I made the deal, and I stand by it, but there are days that I look around and say to myself, "I don't want to be the mamma today."<BR/><BR/>Check this out:<BR/>http://naiah.synthian.org/?p=62<BR/><BR/>Being alone is the pits. Feeling alone is worse. Babies don't change that, and boyfriends are about as much trouble as babies most of the time.<BR/><BR/>You're in a fucking amazing city. I got to live there for a quarter in college, and I loved it. There was this great bookstore on Dupont Circle that had live jazz and everything. I would *so* be there, and any other countless shines of random geekery around there if I could. It's a blessing to have the freedom to indulge in such fancies, and I wish I could help you see it.<BR/><BR/>Like I said, feeling alone sucks like little else in life sucks. So, go not be alone and stuff.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11125127.post-1123695264471924972005-08-10T13:34:00.000-04:002005-08-10T13:34:00.000-04:00Well, I think one of my challenges is that I'm not...Well, I think one of my challenges is that I'm not only fast approaching 40 and childless, but I also lack the romantic attention of even one male, plus I haven't been able to get a suitable job in over four months now. So, I'm feeling fairly crappy on all levels. <BR/><BR/>Not sexy, not desirable (professionally or socially), and not certifiably womanly in all the most basic ways. <BR/><BR/>It'll get better. I'm confident.<BR/><BR/>I hope.<BR/><BR/>It will get better. Right?Merujohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14123831956012950960noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11125127.post-1123685661068125992005-08-10T10:54:00.000-04:002005-08-10T10:54:00.000-04:00I have held off replying to this post because it f...I have held off replying to this post because it felt rather hypocritical and hollow for me to offer comfort when I was married at 20 and had 2 children by 24. <BR/><BR/>But the more I thought about your post the more I felt compelled to let you know that people in my position OFTEN lay in bed at night and wonder what life would have been like if we had chosen the other path - singleness. <BR/><BR/>Who would I have become, if I had chosen differently? For me, my spouse and my offspring have become such a part of myself that I feel that the outline of my personal identity is rather blurred and vague. This lack of definition does not escape me and I mourn it's loss. I also miss the state of complete SILENCE... a rare occurrence in my everyday life.<BR/><BR/>What the "Baby Blogs" fail to impart to their readers is the profound impact that children have on your life. The responsibility is irretractable, the worry and fear is unrelenting... and it does not dissapate has the children age into adulthood. Truly, it is almost a cruel trick of nature that you NEVER retire from being a parent.<BR/><BR/>So while there ARE many beautiful, enchanting and magical moments involved in raising a child, there is also massive amounts of self-sacrifice that would tax the patience of the most righteous saint. Huge amounts of time and resources for an unpredictable outcome at best.<BR/><BR/>....and marriage - well, plenty of your readers know this: even the very "best marriage" is fallible given the right "catylst"... that is why an enduring marriage is so much work; it is constantly being mended and repaired and even then, it can be lost.<BR/><BR/>Okay, have I thoroughly depressed everybody? I just wanted to give the spin from the other side and point out that neither way of life is completely "ideal". <BR/><BR/>Life is a struggle... either way you live it!<BR/><BR/>SJLAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11125127.post-1123653781941593492005-08-10T02:03:00.000-04:002005-08-10T02:03:00.000-04:00If you think your missing something by not having ...If you think your missing something by not having those cute "kidlet" posts, borrow a niece or nephew or the child of a friend for a few hours a week. There's a definite advantage to being able to send them home. And they're never cute 24/7.<BR/><BR/>gina<BR/>http://findingmygroove.blog-city.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11125127.post-1123635609854329162005-08-09T21:00:00.000-04:002005-08-09T21:00:00.000-04:00And thanks for the nice comment, too, KOB. Mucho a...And thanks for the nice comment, too, KOB. Mucho appreciated today. :-)Merujohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14123831956012950960noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11125127.post-1123634383183268692005-08-09T20:39:00.000-04:002005-08-09T20:39:00.000-04:00This is most certainly true. Of course, as I'm sti...This is most certainly true. <BR/><BR/>Of course, as I'm still among the wretchedly unemployed (except for the occasional radio commentary gig), I'm temporarily stuck at home watching reruns of Gilmore Girls...<BR/><BR/>This, too, shall pass...Merujohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14123831956012950960noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11125127.post-1123633548788886602005-08-09T20:25:00.000-04:002005-08-09T20:25:00.000-04:00Liked your post. Married 10 years at one point, no...Liked your post. Married 10 years at one point, no children, and no have resigned pretty much ... on the other hand, you're not stuck home every night watching dvds...kobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15351473838412364000noreply@blogger.com