Monday, May 09, 2005

Ugh. Bug.

Nope. Not allergies. I have some sort of bug. Headache, fever, and I think my guts are melting like a Nazi lookin' into the Ark of the Covenant.

I have procured Diet 7-Up. For, as everyone in the United States knows, 7-Up, Campbell's condensed chicken noodle soup and saltines (or, in my case, low sodium not-quite saltines) can cure anything that ails you. I think the woman below might have benefitted from this all-Amur'can regime:

Meet The Sick Woman by Jan Steen, 1665

That's a helluva get up for seeing the doctor. I mean, seriously - gold lame skirt... fur-trimmed jacket? And they say Americans overdress for all the wrong occasions. (Wow. Two Indiana Jones references in one post - a new record!) I'm lucky if I can find sweats and a t-shirt that match to haul my ass over to the doctor.

Now, please note the close up!

What is the deal with this chick? She's apparently really sick, yet she has this twisted little smile going on like she's gettin' off on the doctor's attention. Kinda creepy. Those wacky Dutch Masters. (Love their cigar boxes, though.)

Time to soupify and read a book. That always worked when I was a kid.

Here's hopin'...


Sasquatch said...

I think that when they're low-sodium, they should just be called "Ines." They'd be even better if they were Zestas. I'm just sayin'.

Merujo said...

I mentioned to the Sasquatch today that, if you were to call them "Ines" you would have to trademark them as "Eens" so people wouldn't pronounce them with a long "i" (or think they were strangely named for some nice Latina. "Hello, I am Ines, and these are my crispy crackers.")

Of course then, if you made low-sodium "Eens" Kosher for Passover, would you market them under the name "Steens"? Maybe get Springsteen to do a jingle? (Good branding is half the battle...)

Lessaltines sounds like some sort of sect or a tribe from the Bible. In fact, I think I may have read Paul's first letter to the Lessaltines when I was a church lector. "And Jesus did command you to reduce your sodium intake. And ye did."

Anonymous said...

Of course the lady in the painting looks suspiciously twisted... have you ever tried lying down side ways in a corset? Hence, the origin of the phrase "Busting a gut". Ewwww...