Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Join Me on the 5th Level of Hell

Do you know the surface temperature of the sun? I do.

It's the exact same temperature it was in Washington today.

How hot was it?

Oh, it was "melt your sunglasses to your face" hot. It was "watch the tourists spontaneously combust" hot. It was "don't even try to get to work without becoming a hideous, stinky liquid sweatball" hot.

I had errands to run and places to go, but frankly, all I wanted to do was sit in my air conditioned car with every vent directed at me, full blast. I actually considered gassing up at a full-serve station, just so I wouldn't have to experience the direct rays of the sun.

Today's heat index was 105 F.

Yeah, it was freaking hot.

Downtown DC. June 28, 2005.

So, thinking about the Hades-ness of DC today reminded me of a fun little quizlet I took about a year ago. The Dante's Inferno Test: To Which Level Are You Condemned? I recalled last time, I was consigned to the 5th Level, Land of the Wrathful and Gloomy. My friend MEB tested out at the same level. So good to have company in the afterlife! I just took the test again, and, lo! I'm still holding on the 5th Level. Bring on the wrath and gloom!

Of the 5th Level, the test says:

The river Styx runs through this level of Hell, and in it are punished the wrathful and the gloomy. The former are forever lashing out at each other in anger, furious and naked, tearing each other piecemeal with their teeth. The latter are gurgling in the black mud, slothful and sullen, withdrawn from the world. Their lamentations bubble to the surface as they try to repeat a doleful hymn, though with unbroken words they cannot say it. Because you lived a cruel, vindictive and hateful life, you meet your fate in the Styx.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test


Sasquatch said...

Well, I guess I'm more virtuous than I thought—apparently, being slightly twisted isn't a huge drawback in the long run. I qualified for the Level 1: Limbo. I guess we'll just have to send each other postcards in the afterlife...

"Charon ushers you across the river Acheron, and you find yourself upon the brink of grief's abysmal valley. You are in Limbo, a place of sorrow without torment. You encounter a seven-walled castle, and within those walls you find rolling fresh meadows illuminated by the light of reason, whereabout many shades dwell. These are the virtuous pagans, the great philosophers and authors, unbaptised children, and others unfit to enter the kingdom of heaven. You share company with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates, and Aristotle. There is no punishment here, and the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad."

Anonymous said...

Well, it's raining here again.

Nothing like that pungent smell of mildew in the air.

Is there a "HELL" that is cold and soggy?

Because I think that I am there.

Send sunshine,

Merujo said...

Apparently, growing up in Moline must have brought on something more sinister and troubling than your Great Plains upbringing did. Maybe it's the Dark Things lurking in the Mississippi (and I don't mean mutant catfish...)

Merujo said...

Well, SJL, my hell is actually in a river, so I guess that qualifies as soggy!

The Hell of the Frog Fingers!

We're supposed to get soaked today, so we're doing our best to suck up the rain out here... I feel bad for all the touristas out at the Smithsonian Folklife Festival. Yesterday, they fried, today, they will drown...

gonzomantis said...

Fear me, for I am level 6!

Merujo said...

Damn heretic. Does this mean I get to "dis" you. Har dee har har.

We are apparently sooo not as virtuous as our bigfoot buddy, dude...

Anonymous said...

Well, before I concede that Sasquatch is the winner of the "Most Virtuous" - I would like to see The Atomic Editor weigh in... Is there a Level 0? LOL!


Sasquatch said...

I don't know that the levels of apply to him, given that he's Jewish. Lucky bastard.

Merujo said...

Oooh, Sasquatch-sai. Your precision writing has failed you. Re-read your comment. I, the complete mess, forgive your lapse of noun-age. ;-)

Sasquatch said...

D'oh. Enjoy the lapse while you can. Won't happen very often, I hope.