TV-Turnoff Network needs an executive director

It's not that I'm addicted to tv. Far from it. But I do graze on a wide variety of things of a televised nature. And I can't ever see myself interviewing for this job - or any job - with the TV-Turnoff Network. No way. No how.


After the "big one", it'll be the roaches, the rats, and reality tv...
Have a Twinkie, mutant friend! Apocalypse Idol is about to start!!!

My imaginary interview with TV-Turnoff Network:

HR Person: You know our mission is to get people to turn off their televisions and bring communities together. So, uhhhh... do you watch much tv?

Me: Uhmmm... not really. Well, there's Lost and Amazing Race, of course. Love that.

HR Person: Well, sure...

Me: And then there's Law & Order...

HR Person: Oh yes. They won a Peabody, you know...

Me: ...and Law & Order: SVU...

HR Person: Okay...

Me: ...and Law & Order: Criminal Intent...

HR Person: I see, well, let's just move on to---

Me: Oooh, and of course, how could I forget Comedy Central! The Daily Show, Chappelle's Show and Reno 911 and South Park...

HR Person: Okaaaaay, I think we're done--

Me: ...and that of course leads to Family Guy and Aqua Teen Hunger Force and The Simpsons and King of the Hill...

HR Person: Yeaaaah, thanks for comin---

Me: ...oh yeah - and Bravo has reruns of The West Wing when it was good - and Project Runway and Project Greenlight... and my god, we haven't even gotten to PBS and The History Channel and the National Geographic Channel!!

HR Person: Goodbye.

Me: Oh - and have you ever watched "Dinner for Five" on IFC?!?

HR Person: Don't let the door hit you in the ass.

Me: (as security removes me) What Not To Wear... Late Night with Conan O'Brien... Globetrekker...