I have got to get whatever is stuck in my craw out of said craw. I am far crankier than I should be.
But I would like to thank the following people for making me even crankier today:
1. My next door neighbor's girlfriend, who likes to turn up the music to ungodly levels at 9 a.m. every Saturday, now that she has moved in and they, uh, "get down and get funky" on a weekend morning schedule so regular you'd think Metamucil played some part in their sex life.
2. The people from Discover Card who called me 6 times in under two hours wanting to offer me "customer service." (Congrats, Discover Card, you're almost as good as Gateway with the harassing phone calls, but not quite as annoying yet...)
3. The minivan full of people weaving around in front of me on the Pike today, with the occupants passing back and forth the biggest doobie I've seen outside of a Cheech & Chong movie. I especially liked it when they put their vehicle into reverse and almost ran into me at a red light and then waved the super-jumbo spliff out the window in a "sorry I almost killed you, I'm just stoned!" gesture. Damn!
4. The peeps at my favorite coffee shop for forgetting to pay their Internet bill, thus cutting off the free wireless access for its caffeine junkie writer customers (like me.)
5. The complete asshole sitting behind me at Caribou Coffee in downtown Bethesda (where I have retreated to write this afternoon.) You think it's adorable that your kids have been playing all the ringtones on your phone for the last ten minutes. I think it would be adorable if you all spontaneously combusted. Right now.
I fear I need an attitude adjustment.
Or maybe, just maybe, there are just a lot of people in Bethesda that need a swift kick in the ass.
You know, I'm going with the latter option.
Invest in a ninja. They can take care of all those problems.
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