Wednesday, July 25, 2007


Well, I wasn't planning on posting, but I'm wide awake at 1:30 in the morning. I was hit with sudden, stunningly bad back pain this afternoon, almost out of the blue. In recent days, my back has been cooperating with me, which has been fantastic. I know some of my friends out here have experienced wretched back problems, too, and they know how blissful it is when the pain stops.

That's the way it's been for me for a handful of days. But the pain has been creeping back. Tonight, it traveled back down through my hip to my knee again, just like the first days after I messed it up. I found I was comfortable in my car, so I didn't go straight home after work. I stopped at Wendy's for my high class, high fiber buck-ninety-nine chili dinner. Yeah, it's the good life, ladies and gents. Fine dining each and every day!

Stopping at Wendy's was a big mistake. You see, sitting in the parking lot - the same one where I saw people making the beast with two backs relatively recently - I was attacked by a squirrel.

Yeah, I'm not shitting you.

I was attacked by a freaking squirrel. One minute, I'm reading about the Simpsons movie in my new issue of EW, enjoying a spoonful of beefy, beany flavor, and BAM - muthafuckin' squirrel launches itself from the pavement, up and through the window onto my chest. I'm screaming like a little girl, chili is flying all over creation, and the bastard is clinging onto my shirt. I had to pull my shirt up almost completely off me to get the squirrel back outside. I'm screaming and slamming my shirt against the car. Finally, Rocket J. Freaking Nutjob Squirrel hits the pavement. He tried repeatedly to get back inside.

Apparently, he's got a thing for Wendy's chili.

Or Coke Zero.

My hands were shaking like leaves. I'm trying to pull my shirt back on (very attractive in a parking lot - of course this parking lot has seen a lot of that before, I think) and get the key turned to roll the auto windows back up, and this flipping freak of nature is chattering and shrieking and working his best to get back inside. I finally had to wing my drink at him to get him to back off.

Funny thing is, I've been working on a radio piece about the local wildlife.

I called the Sasquatch as I shakily drove home to de-chili-fy myself (and my car.) "Hey, I think I have an ending to that radio piece."


Okay, my back is a little less painful now. I'm gonna try to get some more sleep. I don't want to be a total toad at work in the morning.

More coherent blogging in a few days, folks. I promise.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.


Bill said...

What is it with DC area squirrels? I used to live in an apartment complex in Arlington, with nice grassy stretches between the buildings and the street. Whenever anyone would leave a building and walk along the concrete path to the parking area, a host of squirrels would appear on the lawns and prance from all directions directly, fearlessly, toward the pedestrian. I never saw anyone feeding them, and they never attacked like Rocky, there, but it was damned freaky! Anyway, glad you survived your experience, Merujo. I think you should, for multiple reasons now, keep your windows closed at that Wendy's...

Chuck said...

Damn, now that's one way to ruin a good bowl of chili. Squirrel attack!

I knew someone when I was in the military that would feed squirrels and actually try to get them to crawl up onto her shoulder. I always thought she was very strange.

Heather Meadows said...

Gah! That would totally freak me out. I can't really imagine how I would react. My first thought was that I would grab the squirrel and fling him out the window, but that assumes I could even get a hold of him, which probably wouldn't be the case. CRAZY.

Chuck, that is strange. Did she ever succeed?

Claire said...

Sounds like the squirrels at my college. They had no fear and often got into 1st and 2nd floor dorm rooms. Made me not mind the 3rd and 4th floors so much...

Sorry about the animal attack- that's some craziness. Squirrels and chili, who knew?

Janet Kincaid said...

You get all the fun stories, Merujo!

Can you imagine, though? Somewhere out there in Squirrelland is a furry rodent telling/blogging his pals about some chick he met at a Wendy's who TOTALLY freaked when his cuteness tried to embrace you and share a bowl of fresh, hot chili on a lovely summer's eve....

Thanks for a good laugh yesterday. I needed it. (Which reminds me. I shouldn't read blogs during my lunch break at work. I end up snorting with laughter in vain attempts not to guffaw and then everyone wonders what's wrong with me. Oh, but Lord, it was worth it!)

Anonymous said...

Urban wildlife is the "official" name, or it used to be back when I was attending UMCP. It's an entire field of study. When I worked in our DC office, I often ate lunch at one particular park. I've had a pregnant squirrel beg a bit aggressivly for my lunch, but never had one attack me. Could it have been rabid? p.s. -- please let us (me) know when your radio piece will be, oh, and what station. p.s.s. one native Maryland squirrel is endangered or at least not doing well population-wise. I think it's more of a Chesepeake Bay region squirrel, though. Not exactly urban. -- Robin