Sunday, December 30, 2007


I saw this minivan the other day in Rockville:

And all I could think was, "No. Really? Someone named their energy bar 'Smack'??? And got an NFL player to endorse it?"

It's true. I'm sure I'm way behind the curve on this and other people have wondered at the wisdom of naming anything they want you to crave "Smack" but, jeezus. Maybe it's a "hip" name. Am I just so old that heroin has a new, improved nickname these days?

I'd love to know what marketing genius decided that was a good name. I wonder if it actually sells.

Who knows? Maybe it is an act of marketing genius.

Perhaps I've missed the boat. Maybe I should be selling my mom's oatmeal chocolate chip cookies at Metro entrances under the name "Choco-Crack." I can wear a t-shirt reading "Crack is whack!" with a big happy cookie image on the back.

But then again, I don't have a spiffy minivan. (Or an NFL contract.)

I would love to know what agency copywriter crafted the text for the Smack website. Pleeeease give it a read. Seriously, it'll make you slightly crazy. Someone got paid to write that (I assume.) And yet I couldn't get a gig writing commercial stuff... Go figure.

Hmm... do you think "Meth" would be a good name for a snack cracker? Quick! Somebody get me the number for Nabisco!!


J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Oh good Lord.

That's all I can muster. Except for this: Give me strength.

Anonymous said...

Well there is an energy drink called Cocaine (seriously, look it up). Sounds like a big night out - have some smack, then wash it down with cocaine.

How pissed would you be if your child came home with this?

Heather Meadows said...

haha! I didn't even think about the drug connotation until you pointed it out :> I was actually thinking, "What's wrong with 'smack'? It sounds exciting, like it smacks you into action."

We do tend to colloquially refer to sweets as "crack", but I don't think anyone's used that word for a product. I suppose it's possible though...


Merujo said...

Spencer -- even better, one of their launch events they called "The Smack House." Gimme a break!

And Heather -- I really wouldn't put it past people to name a product "Crack", I swear.

Chuck said...

I think there is an energy drink called "Cocaine" out right now. Most stores wont' stock it because of the name.

Chuck said...

Whoops, sorry, didn't see speener's comment before I commented. Oh well, such is life. Anyways, for an amusing review on that Cocaine energy drink check out:

Cyn said...

Tee hee...the webpage is hilarious..."as much calcium as a glass of chocolate milk" (because milk only comes in chocolate, right?)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think 2008 is officially the year to "unleash the chocolate ecstacy onto your tongue."

Anonymous said...

I'm embarrased. Only until I read your outrage did I think it could be bad. I imagined it was like "SMACK!" like a Batman sound, or like a kiss of strength.

Starting the year off this naive can't be good.

Sudiegirl said...

Now from Keebler - "Cheddar and Bacon Meth!"

Yum. Pass da box, pleez.

I hope you gets better soon, please

Anonymous said...

I actually ordered them online and they actually tasted real good for energy bars. Honestly i was shocked because i really wanted to write something bad about them.
oh yeah! and their 2 day delivery guarantee is real, i got mine the very next day

Real Live Lesbian said...

"unleash the chocolate ecstasy onto your tongue"

Apparently, chocolate is the pinnacle of their food pyramid.

Their next bar will surely be Chocolate Exta-C.

I'll not be ordering.

Anonymous said...

I really want to walk into a meeting next week drinking this.