Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Will shill for food (or physical therapy sessions!)

One of my favorite local websites,, broke the story on Monday that local news radio station WTOP had sold "naming rights" to their hilariously monikered "Glass Enclosed Nerve Center." You know, as in, "coming to you live from our glass-enclosed nerve center..." If you don't live in the DC area, that's how the news broadcasts start on WTOP. It cracks me up.

Well, it's gotten more amusing now that WTOP sold sponsorship to the local restaurant chain Ledo Pizza. Give a listen here how the fanfare and intro will now sound on WTOP.

Silly, isn't it? Yet, it's probably a good business move for Ledo. WTOP is, as they say themselves, "the most listened to station in the region." You get enough commuters hearing "Ledo, Leeeeedo" on the way home, and BAM, you've sold a pile of pies.

This got me thinking. I'm not exactly a media giant, but I am big. Large. Huge, even. And I currently have a nerve center that's in need of sponsorship. How about this, local businesses: I'll wear your name on the back of a jacket every workday, in exchange for you covering the cost of my physical therapy and shots for the back pain from hell. I'm not as big as a billboard, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a larger backside walking through the heart of DC and conspicuous consumer-heavy Montgomery County. Think about all the possible sponsors! Maybe the Healthy Back Store... Joanne's Bed and Back... Hell, I'll take sponsorship from from just about any advertising-savvy business. Just imagine it, Mr. or Mrs. Entrepreneur, your company's name, "live, covering the skin-enclosed nerve center of Merujo's back!"

By George, I think the idea's got legs! Okay, they're gimpy legs, and they don't hobble very fast right now, but look at it this way - that's more time for your potential customers to gawk and read!

Heh. Just kidding. Honest.

Hey, at least I didn't suggest anything permanent, like that poor woman who actually had that skanky online casino's name permanently tattooed on her forehead. {{shudder}}

This reminds me of the hellish thing I saw the other day, though. When I left my MRI appointment at the crack of doom on Monday, there were already poor bastards in the middle of the road, dressed in panda and dog costumes, trying to lure people into a car dealership on the Pike. 7:30 in the godforsaken morning and their employers had them out on the median strip, trapped in their own really twisted version of purgatory.
The dog paced back and forth, flinching periodically as if waiting for an angry commuter to pelt him with the remains of a McDonalds iced coffee. The panda just stood there, head lolling sickly to one side, his black and white cheek leaning on an enormous "50% OFF NOW!" sign. I swear I could hear his soul crying for sweet release from within the furry prison.

"Kill me now. Please."

All things considered, my life could be worse.


Cyn said...

Love the caption.

Ginger said...

What is it with people being forced to traipse Rockville Pike in ridiculous costumes, all in the name of free-market economy?!! When I see the mattress guy (you know--the guy who is wearing a MATTRESS) plodding down the sidewalk in AUGUST, I remind myself why law school once crossed my mind. It's one thing to have your dignity ripped away from you, but it's another to have your dignity ripped away from you while having to endure sweltering temperatures.

I like your sponsor-a-physical-therapy-patient idea. It's got TWO legs to stand on!

Sasquatch said...

I don't know how necessary the costumes are, but I think there's some city code in Rockville that doesn't allow billboards. As a result, businesses have to come up with some other hokey way to entice people into their shops. I know *I* am certainly interested in picking up an Aeron chair at The Healthy Back when I see a disinterested, iPod-wearing teenager whipping an arrow sign around as if he were on a rifle drill team. Aren't you?

Ginger said...

Sure, but since everyone else on the Pike has a sidewalk mascot, why aren't the Hooters girls out there recruiting clientele? Seriously, if I saw a girl dressed up like a buffalo wing, I'd get myself to Hooters in a New York minute.

Sasquatch said...

Only once you stopped snickering at their oh-so-hot orange short with pantyhose combination....

Merujo said...

I guess this means I should shelf my ideas for what I was wearing to work tomorrow, huh?

Now, if they had someone dressed up like a nice baby back rib, we'll talk...

Dwacon said...

What the heck is a LEDO pizza?

At least it is better than listening to all those depressing commercials from medical centers trying to scare you into getting an exam at THEIR location or else your kids will cry to sleep every night, "I miss mommy..."