Sunday, August 30, 2009

I Suck at Poetry: the Autumn is A-Comin' Edition

Yes, I know I suck at poetry. But ever since I was a kid, I've had these moments where words well up in my brain, but make no sense in narrative prose. And so, even though I do suck at it, I write verse. Free verse. If you can tolerate reading this, you'll see it's... uh... very free verse. No form, no rhyme, a little reason.

(And in the darkness, some aging dude with a bandanna wrapped around his forehead flicks open his Zippo, holds it to the sky and cries, "Play free verse!")

In my head, it started out as a cheerful burst of autumn tribute. Then, it kinda went all Stephen King-y. Go figure. Like I said, I suck at poetry.

summer steam
and swelter
dried and crushed
under heel

that first crisp night
of autumn

it’s here.

that ray bradbury time
when youth turns sour
and age grows painful

the midways close
the fairs leave town
their carnival wake scented, cloying
with fried sugar dough
and animal musk

they leave deep furrows
in the brow of the soil and
crime scene trails of
sno-cone debris

paper cups stained blue
with summer’s blood
that turn and drag in the wind

the wind

the wind that’s
a little cooler
than the day

as summer gasps
and school returns
and childhood dies a little bit
each time the leaves run riot
in orange
gold and red

the air smells of leaf fires
baked goods and pumpkins
and elmer’s glue
stuck between
short, fat fingers and
construction paper

small-town cheerleaders shine in
a bonnie bell bonfire glow
while the football players leer
from a homecoming float

corn-fed pulchritude

firm and young and ripe
for the picking
for the harvest

before the snap
and the chill

and winter

Sunday, August 23, 2009

One of those dry heave moments

Okay, so the insomnia monster is eating my brain again tonight. It's nowhere near as bad as the summer of 2005 (also known as the "Summer of the Axe" or the "Summer of Someday I'll Look Back on All This and Laugh. Maybe.") That said, the not sleeping at night thing blows.

And here I am, surfing the 'Net. I should be working on the final pieces of a big personal project, but I don't want to get my brain even more revved up than it already is at 2:15 in the blessed a.m. So, I opt for something brainless - the Bubble Spinner game over at eBaum's World. Addictive, mindless, perfect.

Except, tonight (well, this morning, actually) there's an ad on the side of the page.

An ad featuring a body part.

An ad that morphs into another image of said body part.

And I'm not wearing my glasses, and in that first split second, I mistake the body part shown for... well... another body part.

You'll have to cut me some slack - remember my depth perception is shot, and that plus no eyeglasses = horror.

I was so grossed out by what I thought I saw, it actually made me dry heave. I hope that the advertisers - Old Spice - didn't intend for anyone to make the same error.

Because, frankly, a hoo-hah this unkempt would be astounding gross. An unkempt hoo-hah that "rains popcorn"? Even more disgusting:

Enlarge image at your own peril...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. It's an armpit, Merujo, you blind moron! Now that I have my eyeglasses on, I'm painfully well aware that it's an armpit. And yes, had it been the body part I thought it was, it would be terribly misshapen. (And braidable.) And yes, isn't it wonderful that Old Spice is making a product that will save a hairy pit from lots of creepy residue?

Still gross. Still looks like it's raining popcorn.

And honestly, none of your body parts should be doing that.

Happy nightmares, everyone! And if you think of this next time you're at a movie theatre concession stand, you can thank me for saving you a chunk of money and a belly full of carbs.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Creeping back into the sunlight

Hello, friends.

It's been a while, no?

Things just weren't all that great for yours truly. June and July swirled together into one miserable, feverish blur - one I'd rather forget.

After a considerable sabbatical, my sense of humor is slowly returning. I'm still a little hesitant to write much here. To be honest, my plate away from the blog is pretty full right now. More on that later. But, tonight, I wanted to make some baby steps back into the groove.

So, consider this Baby Step #1.

For the first time in months, I took some photos today. I was out with the Sasquatch and the Atomic Editor, and while they did a little bit of geekly male bonding in a comics shop, I sat outside and tried to remember how to use my little camera.

These aren't very good photos. I'm not a very good photographer.

That said, I'd like to think there's perhaps something a little metaphorical here, or at the very least symbolic, of my slow return at the height of summer.

Or that could just be a load of pretentious BS.

Eh, BS or not, the plants were pretty:

It's a start, right?

I don't know if anyone is still stopping by anymore, but just in case, thanks. Good to be back.