Saturday, January 03, 2009

The Return of Vince, the ShamWow Guy

Dear lord, why?

Vince is back. And he's no longer simply selling us the amazing ShamWow!

Now, he's selling us a mini chopper called the "Slap Chop." And, this time, Vince's sales spiel isn't just head-mic marketing - it's complete with philosophy and life enhancing aphorisms:

"You're going to be in a great mood all day 'cause you'll be slapping your troubles away!"

(On chopping onions): "Life's hard enough as it is, you don't wanna cry anymore."

"Stop having a boring tuna! Stop having a boring life! ...You're going to have an exciting life now!"

It's also strangely sexual (as if the tuna comment wasn't odd enough):

"You're gonna love my nuts!"

"I can do it with one hand!"

And, WOW! If you buy now, you get the "Graty" cheese grater, too, for FREEEEEE! And, as Vince says, it's great for "tacos, frettucine (yeah, he said "frettucine"), linguine, martini, bikini."

I'm not sure what frettucine is, and I don't think I want anyone to apply a cheese grater to anything covered by a bikini, but hey, Vince, if it works for you, man, go for it.

God bless cheesy informercials and all the underemployed actors who sail upon them. You have to wonder, is Vince actually a Shakespearean actor? And does he finish off a bottle of tequila after filming one of these pop consumerist culture nightmares?

Of course, I wonder the same thing about Drew Carey. Think he climbs into the bottom of a bottle after each Price Is Right taping?

And, for my friends who speak Spanish, God help us all, Vince also sold the ShamWow in Spanish:

Oh, how I love our twisted little culture.


Chuck said...

You know, Aldous Huxley based much of his future dystopian culture in "Brave New World" on a visit to the United States. I wonder what he'd think if he was able to see it today. He'd probably say we were well on our way towards his future vision.

Anonymous said...

I admit, I kind of have a crush on Vince the ShamWow guy. Or maybe I was shocked to find myself saying "WOW" while watching Vince in action... and even in Spanish!

I think we need to stop watching tv....

Janet Kincaid said...

I can't watch the guy. He freaks me out. Then again, it's nice to know every generation has its Joe Izuzu.

Cyn said...

Sex sells...even if it's by a manic dude with a mic strapped to his head, slapping his troubles away with one hand.

To answer your Drew Carey musing: I read an interview a while back(in that esteemed publication Parade Magazine)that he spent a lot of time in Second Life -- where he could be literally climbing into a virtual bottle (says the geek whose computer holds a picture of her very own avatar inside a "Drink Me" bottle.)

But I digress...

Really enjoyed this post. The ShamWow wasn't anywhere near as appealing when presented en ingles. And suddenly have the urge to dump a liter of cola on my rug, just for fun.

Tipsy Nikki said...

I actually wrote a post about the Shamwow a few days ago. Even though it's cheesy, I still kinda want it.

And didn't that chopper used to be called something else?

Also, what's up with the headphone mic?

Robin said...

ROFL........ of course, I can't exactly turn on the sound, here..

but I also noticed the bikini comment. Um, yeah I agree, not paired with a cheese grater.

Anonymous said...

I feel blessed that I have been spared this particular commercial.

Boring tuna?!?! I guess if people spank their monkeys, why not slap their tuna.

Anonymous said...


You know about his Scientology connection/fight, right?

I kinda wanna hi-five the guy in spite of his hair...

Keith near Denver said...

I have a feeling he isn't really an actor, but was doing the same thing on the state fair circuit (or flee markets perhaps).

Is he the next Billy Mays?