Thursday, June 29, 2006

We interrupt this travelogue... tell you that I accidentally ran over someone's laptop en route to work today.

Some Young Guy (in the DC Young Guy uniform of baggy khakis and baggy white shirt with sloppily tied tie, sunglasses and Rockports) bolted out into traffic in the middle of a block, against a green light. In his efforts to not be hit by us folks who had the light, he started running and threw his open backpack over his shoulder.

Mistake. Big mistake.

I briefly saw the airborne computer as I slammed on the brakes, but it was too late.


I had crushed his brand spankin' new office laptop under my left front tire. Splatsky.

Young Guy had one hand over his mouth, and just kept saying, "Omigod, I'm such an idiot. Omigod, I'm such an idiot!" over and over again. I tried to console him by telling him I'd pretty much done the same thing (flying laptop, not running through traffic) last summer. However, my computer survived - it's just scarred up on the lid pretty badly.

In today's scenario, though, $3K worth of Young Guy's employer's moolah was mooshed by my Ford Escort. I reckon Young Guy learned two lessons today: 1) don't blindly jaywalk through rush hour DC traffic; and 2) if you do jaywalk and run for it, make sure your employer's new $3K laptop is secured in your backpack before you fling it.

One of my colleagues suggested I send him a parcel of NG goodies to cheer him up. In truth, I think I'll pass. Bless his little incautious soul, he was being an idiot, and I'm sure his buddies will be cheering him up with something made of fermented grain later tonight.

I'd like to point out that I have a gift for being in the right lane at the wrong time. I've been hit by other cars twice, just as people in the nearest lane to the offender zoomed by, unscathed. And now, by chance, I've become Vishnette, Destroyer of Portable Technology. Lucky me.

Merujo, Compu-Killer, signing off...


Janet Kincaid said...

I must be in a wicked mood today, but I actually found this hysterical! On the one hand, I feel bad for the guy and on the other hand (and the bigger hand, at that), I'm laughing my a** off! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Can you imagine the phone call he had to make to his dad this morning?

"Um, hi? Dad? Hi. Um, so I was walking across the street this morning and, um, I didn't realize my back pack was open and, um, I started to run because the light was going to change, and, well, um, the laptop I have from work came flying out of my bag and was crushed by a woman in a Ford... Well, I'm going to have to replace it.... $3,000.... I knoooooow. I know that, Dad. Sheesh. It's not like I was crossing against the light or anything.[Sniffle Tears Sniffle] ...Okay. I'll pay you back; I promise... Thanks... Bye... [Click] Fuc*!"


(Check back with me tomorrow. I might be in a more sympathetic, understanding, consoling mood...)

Merujo said...

Oh, no kidding, Janet! This gent was lucky, lucky,lucky, in truth, that it was *just* the computer, and not him getting flattened. But still, that's a lot of his summer beer fund going to replace that technology. Oy!

Dennis! said...

You're ignoring the most important question: Was he cute?

Sasquatch said...

Don't forget: you nearly killed Ralph Nader with your car.

Merujo said...

Dennis, you crack me up - he had the fresh-faced, right out of college, tousled hair and rosy cheeks look (to go along with his "my boss is gonna kill me" look) which means that he was younger than my nephews! :-)

Squatchito - if only I had hit Ralph Nader on the election day in question, can you imagine the shape of the world today? Oh man...

Spencer said...

My first instinct would have been "shit in my pants" I almost died. Later at home I would have been PISSED!

Anyway - the dude is very lucky.

Janet Kincaid said...

Okay, today I'm in a more sympathetic mood. The dude is lucky it was his computer and not he himself who was hurt.

But still... [snicker... snicker...]

And what's this about Ralph Nader? You almost hit Ralph Nader?!? Ah, what a different world we'd live in, if you had.... Of course, if you had, he might have garnered more sympathy votes than just stupid votes and we'd still be stuck with that dunderhead in the White House who calls himself "a war prez-e-dent. I'm a prez-e-dent who's at war."

suze said...

oh my - that is funny. poor guy. me thinks he has learned a very valuable, and expensive lesson...

Heather Meadows said...

Goofus runs into traffic with his backpack open.

Gallant secures his backpack and waits for the light to change.