Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Well, I made it through most of today without melting down...

Fuck, fuck, fuck. The nausea is killing me today. I turned the lights down in my office and popped a handful of ibuprofen. But I still feel like I'm going to retch when I look at the computer.

I can't tell when I write words with double "l"s if I have one, two, or three on the screen. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

This is crushing my writing. I feel so sick. I can't get comfortable. I've had two huge tumblers of green tea today to try to calm me down, but I can't focus on the words. I know my blood pressure must be sky high.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I want to see normally again. This is scary and saddening, and I think I'm about to have a meltdown. I feel useless without my eyes being okay. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

This is not going well. I don't know if I can handle the headaches and the 3D nightmare of computer screens.

I need to remember to breathe. This is only Week One.

Breathe.

Too late. Meltdown.

"Your body will adjust."

"Your body will compensate."

How long will it take?

Breathe.

This is only Week One.

5 comments:

E :) said...

I'm so sorry about your eye. I hope you start to adjust soon and that the pain goes away. I'm thinking of you.

Reya Mellicker said...

Sending you lots of energy and warmth. It sound like a nightmare! Take good care, and yes, breathe. Thinking about you with much concern!

Aoife O'Meara said...

Crap, merujo, I thought I was a tough Midwestern woman but you've got me beat! I can't believe you're trying to function at work during this! Wish there was something I could do besides offer sympathy.

suze said...

you are so strong lady. I can't imagine being at work if i were going through what you are - I'm still working from home two weeks after my gallbladder surgery - I'm a wimp.

This will get better. Your body will adjust and compensate. It will take time, but it will happen. the brain is an amazing organ :) and you are an amazing woman.

Claire said...

Hang in there, M. Perhaps an eye patch? This idea crossed my mind before, but in light of the circumstances I didn't mention it because I thought it might be very unappealing. However nausousness is a real drag... an eye patch might give you a break from it while you're on the computer. (Black is totally the way to go, of course, so you can shore up on pirate lingo ;)

Hoping your eyes adjust soon, C