Saturday, May 31, 2008

If I had a tank of gas

I would drive out to the Eastern Shore right now. Listen to the sound of the ocean rolling on the sand. Breathe in the air. Sink my toes in the sand. Track satellites across the sky.

If I had more gas, I'd do what I did in 2001 and drive to the Florida Keys and commune with the fish. Watch the lizards spin on the walls, read in the moonlight, feel my skin brown by the day and taste the salt as I rise from the clear waters out in the Tortugas.

If I had a plane ticket, I'd fly to Bangkok and lose myself in temples and canals. Giant shrimp and cuttlefish grilled on a stick, stoned backpackers seeking island refuge, monks with begging bowls.

Instead, I have a headache from tears I would rather have not shed and from my need to bite my tongue as best I can. It's exhausting to try to do the right thing some days.

But in a moment, I will have a lime and raspberry popcicle and Neil Finn singing on my headphones. It's not exactly a moment of exotica, but it is an escape that will work for this Saturday night. Each day, I feel like I lose something with my friends as they move on with their lives and I move ever backwards. I will try to take heart in these lyrics tonight.
Together alone
above and beneath
we were as close
as anyone can be
now you are gone
far away from me
as is once will always be
together alone

anei ra maua (here we are together)
e piri tahi nei (in a very close embrace)
e noha tahi nei (being together)
ko maua anake (just us alone)

kei runga a Rangi (Rangi the sky-father is above)
ko papa Kai raro (the earth mother is below)
e mau tonu nei (our love for one another)
kia mau tonu ra (is everlasting)

Together alone
shallow and deep
holding our breath
paying death no heed
I'm still your friend
when you are in need
as is once will always be
earth and sky
moon and sea

7 comments:

Chuck said...

Gas is wicked expensive, isn't it? I paid almost $70 for a tank recently, I think that's a new record for me. It's getting to the point where I factor the cost in carefully when choosing where to run my errands. Why drive 15-20 miles further for a slightly lower price if it burns a gallon of gas? Anyhow, I hope you get to do a fun getaway soon.

j.m. tewkesbury said...

Ah, the beach. I've been thinking of a day trip to Rehoboth. Can you get away midweek?

talkingbudgie said...

Sigh... I love Neil Finn...

paulnojustpaul said...

[hug]

Sudiegirl said...

Are you coming back to us, Merujo???

Please say yes...

Anonymous said...

Hope that things get fixed soon! Still looking in on you occasionally, you continue to inspire me. You gotta win that lottery, just like I need to.

Saphyre Skye said...

peace and love...this one tugged at my heart and soul. it's my current plight. it's like poetry...individual yet universal. ah, for a tank of gas...and a celestial blade to cut the invisible ties that bind...but alas and alak!!!