Thursday, May 01, 2008

Pain, anxiety, and the end of a 22-year wait

My back is on fire tonight - the pain is so bad, it's making my guts churn. I'm hoping a hot midnight shower will ease the pain a bit so I can get some sleep. Real rest has been fleeting for days, and I know it affects my concentration. Today, I had to really work to stay focused.

I'm incredibly anxious tonight. Tomorrow, I go to see an attorney about the accidents. I hope he can help me because I lose even more sleep worrying about what will happen if I am trapped in paying (or in my case, not being able to pay) out of pocket in advance of any settlement.

I hope to leave that meeting with a greater sense of ease and a little lighter of heart.

Because I have plans.

Tomorrow night, I finally get to experience something for which I've waited 22 years: Crowded House in concert. 22 years - almost virtually half my life. I can't explain how much this means to me. If you were reading this blog last summer, you might remember how crushed I was to miss the guys when they played in Philadelphia. This time, though, they're playing DC. In a club that only holds a little over a thousand people. It will be beautiful. And I get to share it with a very dear friend, which makes it even better.

I'm sad I never got to see the band when Paul Hester was still with the group, before his tragic suicide. But, like Paul's deeply missed mercurial self, that chance is gone with time. For those who don't follow Crowded House, Paul left the group while they were on tour in 1994. He up and left them in Atlanta. A handful of years later, Hester had a show on Australian TV called "Hessie's Shed" - I found this wonderful bit of footage on YouTube today:

Highlights for me:

"Just a general apology for leaving you guys in Atlanta..."
"What the fuck went wrong?"
"There, that sound right, Paul?!?"
"Violence is universal..."

That made me laugh and smile and feel a little sad, too, all at once. Paul won't be there tomorrow night, but I think much of the music is infused - in a positive way - with his spirit (and, with "Time On Earth" a bit of his ghost, too.)

Crowded House music brings me a great deal of joy. Whenever I sign a sympathy card these days I write the same thing for everyone: "I hope, in this time of grief, there is also time to celebrate the joy of a good life, well-lived." In the joy of the music that Neil and Nick and Mark and Matt will play tomorrow night, for me, there will also be a celebration of a good life.

And I will listen to the music, and my smile will be big enough to crack my face, and I will forget about the problems of the day. I'll say it again and again: Neil Finn could sing me the phonebook, and I'd be enthralled.

Cloud Nine. It's a lovely place.

I hope you are able to find these moments in your life, too.

More things coming up over the next week - things interesting, bizarre, and nostalgic. Stories forthcoming. Maybe a photo or two, as well, if I'm lucky!

Before I sign off for the night, here's a little more for you. First, a little gem from the past. I'm glad to see that Australian girls were feather-haired victims of 80s fashion, too. One of the audience members is even wearing an Esprit sweatshirt. Ah, memories!

And, now, the present - and the future. Here's Wednesday night in New York City, Crowded House and the PS22 Chorus. A hopeful sound, indeed:

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Can't wait to hear the stories. I hope your back holds up for the night.