Monday, May 19, 2008

Tater Toot

This is possibly one of the most tasteless things I'll ever post here, but since I experienced it, I feel the need to share it with you. I'm not living this nightmare alone!!

At an undisclosed location in the metro DC area today, I got into an elevator just as someone else was getting out. The lone female departee was wearing heavy perfume - strange, cloying, unpleasant. It trailed out after her, along with another scent. She'd ripped a massive fart in the lift - again, strange, cloying, unpleasant. I tried with all my might to not breathe in, but I had a few floors to go, and I had no choice. I prayed that, when I reached the bottom, no one would be waiting, thinking I'd left the stinker for them.

But here's the weird part: the perfume odor mixed with the oh-so-noxious fart and - as god as my witness - it smelled like a baked potato.

A baked potato that had farted, that is.

I swear, perfectly mixed, equally balanced in the air was that familiar scent of an oven-toasted tuber wrapped in aluminum foil with the equally familiar and fairly disgusting scent of bachelor innards after three days living on Cheez Whiz and cans of Chef Boyardee pasta.

I know - you're reading this, thinking, wow - she's gone off the deep end. But it's hand-on-Bible true. If baked potatoes could fart, THIS was how it would smell!

Though I was totally grossed out, I still had the giggles for a good five minutes.

Handy hint ladies - if you've just filled up on fiber, don't reapply the Eau de Eeeeeek. And don't assume the ventilation in the elevator is going to save your reputation if you're suddenly overcome with the urge to gaseously purge. You may be taking everyone around you on a bizarre "sensory journey" they're not ready to take! Let's just say, it's gonna be a good long while before a big Idaho baker is back on my dinner plate...

4 comments:

Chuck said...

So I take it you didn't have a baked potato for dinner?

You might enjoy this episode of Terry Tate: Office Linebacker that shows how one person dealt with that problem....too bad it's fiction.

wadcorp said...

Merujo: Classic! This is up there with the "driver with a finger up his nose to the second knuckle".

People think they're alone. But they're not.

She didn't think the elevator would open? That there might be someone standing there?

Of course, it was not likely funny at the time, being a nose-hair curling experience.

.

speener said...

I knew there was a reason I don't like baked potatoes.

Caseystay said...

So glad you left this on the blog. Crying real tears of joy. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your funny, wonderful...observations :-)