Saturday, September 08, 2007

Blinking into the sunlight

Ahhhh, after waking up coughing over and over last night, I finally got some solid sleep. Woke up at noon, feeling a little out of it, but rested. I have so much work to do for deadlines this week, I really should go into the office today, but I'm afraid if I do that I'll just get more sick. I e-mailed myself a ton of documents to review and tweak, and maybe -- if the coughing settles down a bit -- I'll take the laptop up to the coffee shop to revise text, just to get a little distance between work and the sickbed here.

Time is moving so fast right now, I'm just a little overwhelmed. So much is going on, I don't even have time to worry about my messed up finances. I could easily stay at the office until midnight each day and not get everything done. And I've got creative side projects piling up. Need to finish more radio stuff. Need to be better about updating the blog with things that are actually interesting to peruse. And, an editor wants to see two book proposals from me.

Honest to god.

Two book proposals.

Intimidating as hell, that is. But in a very good way.

Now, I just have to feel better, get caught up at the office, and find a little time to breathe.

Breathing is good, I hear. Not overrated.

I have to take some leave soon. I would love to take a week at a cabin somewhere, just to breathe, walk, think, revive myself in fresh air. But until I know someone with a free cabin available -- driving distance from Chez Merde -- that ain't gonna happen! (And I have doubts about my ability to turn enough, uh, "speciality tricks" to raise the capital for a week's retreat.) I think my week off will just be spent at home and the coffee shop, which is okay, too.

This is a time of major highs and lows. I've been alternately dissed and praised over and over again in recent weeks. Vexed by problems I can't just resolve on my own (which is frustrating as hell) and offered great opportunities that I have to find the energy and the will and the confidence to accept. As I've gotten older, I have become more firm in how I handle some things, but I am still weak in many ways. My bravura melts around certain friends and family members. Lots of tears (which has to be exhausting for them.)

I am still a work in progress.

But aren't we all?


Heather Meadows said...

If I had a cabin, you could borrow it anytime!!!

I need a vacation too...I don't know if stress is causing my respiratory problems or just enhancing them, but bleh it would be nice to just get away from everything...

Claire said...

booming thunder here so must be brief.

book proposals- Excellent! Congrats! Now, take a deep breath and get to them!

hope you feel better soon!

Chuck said...

Yikes! Book proposals. That's very cool although I'd be scared also. Good luck with them!