Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Who's on first, What's on second...

...and I don't want your job is on third.

Phone conversation I had today:

Caller Guy: "Hi, is this Merujo?"
Me: "Yes, how may I help you?"
CG: "Hi, I'm Rob, and I'm with WeDon'tPayAttention Solutions."
Me: "Ahhhh. This is no longer a consulting firm, so I don't need any business services, thank you."
CG: "Whaaa? No, no. I'm calling you about a job in Rockville. I pulled your resume off of"
Me: "Oh, sorry. I'm afraid I'm not familiar with your company. Please tell me about the position."
CG: "Well, a client of ours is looking for someone to manage federal contracts. Do you have any federal experience?"
Me: "I'm sorry. You pulled my resume off of"
CG: "Yeah. Why?"
Me: "Well, if you've reviewed my resume, you know I have six years experience with the Department of Commerce and another three-and-a-half with the State Department, at our embassy in Moscow."
CG: "Oh. Right. Okay. So, you do have federal experience, right?"
Me: (silence) "Yes."
CG: "Okay. What is your educational background? Do you have technical or engineering experience?"
Me: "Uhmmm... no. As you'll note on my resume, I am a Russian historian by education. I triple majored in Russian Area Studies, Russian Language and Literature, and Political Science. And my professional background is in managing federal grants, not major contracts. If your client is seeking someone who has specific knowledge of FAR regulations governing contract management, I would not be the right candidate."
CG: "Ooookay. But your resume was titled 'program manager'. That means you can negotiate technical contracts, right?"
Me: "No. No, it doesn't. It means I can manage programs. I'm very flexible, but if your client needs someone who can hit the ground running with technical knowledge, engineering knowledge and solid knowledge of contract negotation, I'm not the ideal candidate."
CG: (silence) "Okay. Now, do you have federal experience?"
Me: "Oh, you are kidding, right? You've asked me that three times now. Yes, I have federal experience. Almost ten years of federal experience."
CG: "Right. Right. Ummm... do you have an accounting degree?"
Me: "You know, I'm really not what you're looking for. Thanks so much for considering me."


Later this morning...

Caller Guy #2: "Hello, Ms. Merujo?"
Me: "Yes?"
CG2: "I'm calling from WeDon'tPayAttention Solutions."
Me: (silence) "Are you calling me about a federal contract manager job for a client in Rockville?"
CG2: "Yes! How did you know?"
Me: "May I speak with a supervisor please?"

[Talking to the supervisor sure was fun.]

Early this afternoon...

Caller Guy: "Hi, is this Ms. Merujo?"
Me: "Yes."
CG: "I'm calling from WeDon'tPayAttention Solutions about a job possibility for you in Rockville, Maryland. I got your resume off"
Me: "Omigod. Your name is Rob. You called me this morning about this job. Are you high? Seriously, are you high?"
CG: "Oh sorry."
Me: "Do you even read the resumes you pull off of Monster, or are you just looking for job titles in a 50 mile radius of the work site???"
CG: (silence)
Me: "May I speak with your supervisor, please?"
CG: "Sorry to bother you, ma'am..."


Welcome to my life! Anybody wanna trade???


Merujo said...

No kidding! I seriously figured that he had to be stoned. Big time stoned. No one can be that stupid, right? (Unless they're running FEMA here...)

Anonymous said...

Just think -- someone is PAYING him to call and annoy people. What a world.


Magazine Man said...

So...I'm guessing you didn't get the job, then.

Too bad you didn't have federal experience. ;-)

But it must have been worth it just to ask the guy if he was high. In italics, no less!

Merujo said...

It's always best to speak in italics when you ask someone if he's high. :-)

Italics and bold.

Yeah, I imagine I'm out of the running for that job...

Anonymous said...

Me: banging head on wall - repeatedly....

Not only does this moron HAVE a job, he probably has benefits too.

It really is a cruel and unfair world.