Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Pride and Joy

My brother is getting hitched this weekend. Married. Civil unionized? I don't know what the official term is for same-sex unions in Germany. Whatever it is, it's a long time coming. My brother and his partner (whom I consider my adopted brother) have been together for more than 30 years now.

Thirty years.

I think they have the average straight American marriage beaten by a mile at this point. And I couldn't be happier for them. These are two great guys. Two really wonderful men. If anyone in our family needs help - material, emotional, financial - they are the first people in line to offer assistance. They remember every birthday, every anniversary. They are forgiving and kind and utterly generous. The support and encouragement they have given me in the past couple of years is beyond measure.

I really regret that I won't be there this weekend. I'd love to see them have this moment, long denied, pointlessly, unfairly, unjustly. What a triumph for them to be able to do something that so many others take for granted. What they have waited decades to do, average Janes and Joes do every day, without a second thought. And average Janes and Joes undo every day, too.

So many opponents of gay unions talk about the "sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman." Sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman, my ass. If straight marriage really was such a holy estate these days, it wouldn't be something that could be done drunk in Vegas and then be put asunder with fillable PDFs, a flick of a pen, and a modest filing fee. Just ask Britney Spears and her first husband.

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. A commitment. An expression of love and deep friendship. (I'm starting to sound like an e-Harmony ad.) Why does it matter to some insecure strangers if it's between a man and a woman or a man and a man or a woman and a woman? It should only matter to those two people, bonded by something powerful and beautiful and, may I add - speaking as a single person, something enviably wonderful.

I could use this space to ponder and growl about why there is so much hatred and bigotry and ignorance and stupidity in the world - much of it here in our "Christian" nation - but this isn't the time for that. This is simply a time to say "congratulations" and offer wishes for 30 or 60 or 100 more years of happiness and contentment.

Friday will bring the matching grey suits and engraved rings. A Bentley to take them to the Rathaus in the center of Frankfurt. A sea of friends who are gathering already in anticipation of the celebration. A feast befitting such a joyous event. And, from this side of the Atlantic, every good thought, every fine wish, and all the love I can send to them.

May we all find such a lasting and true love. May each of us be blessed with a partner as fine as my brother has found. Lucky guys. Very, very lucky guys.



Cyn said...

Wonderful. 30 years! Wow.

Wishing your brother and his partner a perfect day...and many more happy years together.

Claire said...


I read somewhere that most US marriages that fall apart do so within 5 years, so your bro and adopted bro have them beaten by a few marathons at least. :)

Best wishes to them on their nuptials and for many joyous years ahead.

Belle said...

Ignorant bigots be damned.

I'm happy for your brother and his partner and am wishing them joy and luck in their love.

Anonymous said...

I'm happy for anyone that finds what your brother has.

This country is all about divisiveness. The haves and the have nots; the blacks the whites; the gays the straight - and so on and so on. It's a shame what we seem to be the best at is finding new ways to try and keep people apart.

Janet Kincaid said...

Amen to what Spencer said!

And Merujo, congratulations to your brother and his partner! I think straight people could learn a lot about commitment from gays and lesbians. Oh sure, their relationships aren't perfect, but there is a sense of appreciation and an effort to commit that seems to be so fleeting and transient in so many straight relationships these days.

Here's to 30 more years of happiness for your brother and his partner! Cheers!

Chuck said...

Hey there Merujo, just adding my congrats on your brother's behalf. I agree that at 30 years, he definitely has most traditional marriages beat already.

Isn't E-harmony being sued in California for not allowing gay or lesbian members? I thought I read something about that recently. If that lawsuit is successful, watch them move to Texas.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to your brother and his partner. I hope they have many, many, many more years of happiness ahead of them :)

Heather Meadows said...

Awww, that is so sweet! Congratulations Merujobro! :)