A menu was just shoved under my door. It's a colorful thing. Wish my scanner was working so I could share the joy directly with you.
It's for a middle eastern/mediterranean delivery joint with the very strange name of Asteroids. Yep. Asteroids. According to the flyer, the website is myasteroid.com, but don't bother going there - it's a dead site.
The colors on the menu flyer remind me of doctored Soviet photography, bright, but muddied like the poster for a 1950s monster movie. Let's just say the kabobs featured on one star-shaped segment of this design mess look... well... pre-digested.
But apparently, looks can be deceiving, and this is not just any carry-out joint! This is MIRACLE food! In a rainbow of colors and capital letters, the menu tells me:
IF YOU WANT TO BE HEALTHY * IF YOU WANT TO BE ACTIVE * IF YOU WANT TO BE SEXY * IF YOUR BODY WANTS TO BE FRESH * IF YOU WANT TO INVITE FRIENDS OUT TO EAT * REST YOUR MIND HERE!
Well, holy crap! I want to be sexy! I want a fresh body! And god knows, I've been looking for a place to rest my mind! Who knew that shawarma pizza could make you sexy! Do you rub it on yourself to achieve this effect? See, I would think that would give you that not-so-fresh feeling. If the copy is to be believed, I'm totally wrong. And hey -seriously, if eating their food makes your body fresh, I guess you can skip showering! WOW - what a water and energy saver! It's GREEN FOOD!!!
A gem on the inside is the description of the kabobs they sell:
Beef kabob "Secret!" (What - will the beef explode if not eaten in 15 seconds?)
Lamb kabob "Surprise!" (Ummm... I dunno - it's not lamb?)
I have a funny feeling I'm going to pass on ordering from Asteroids. Any restaurant that reminds me I may need Preparation H after eating their food is gonna get a pass.