A menu was just shoved under my door. It's a colorful thing. Wish my scanner was working so I could share the joy directly with you.
It's for a middle eastern/mediterranean delivery joint with the very strange name of Asteroids. Yep. Asteroids. According to the flyer, the website is myasteroid.com, but don't bother going there - it's a dead site.
The colors on the menu flyer remind me of doctored Soviet photography, bright, but muddied like the poster for a 1950s monster movie. Let's just say the kabobs featured on one star-shaped segment of this design mess look... well... pre-digested.
But apparently, looks can be deceiving, and this is not just any carry-out joint! This is MIRACLE food! In a rainbow of colors and capital letters, the menu tells me:
IF YOU WANT TO BE HEALTHY * IF YOU WANT TO BE ACTIVE * IF YOU WANT TO BE SEXY * IF YOUR BODY WANTS TO BE FRESH * IF YOU WANT TO INVITE FRIENDS OUT TO EAT * REST YOUR MIND HERE!
Well, holy crap! I want to be sexy! I want a fresh body! And god knows, I've been looking for a place to rest my mind! Who knew that shawarma pizza could make you sexy! Do you rub it on yourself to achieve this effect? See, I would think that would give you that not-so-fresh feeling. If the copy is to be believed, I'm totally wrong. And hey -seriously, if eating their food makes your body fresh, I guess you can skip showering! WOW - what a water and energy saver! It's GREEN FOOD!!!
A gem on the inside is the description of the kabobs they sell:
Beef kabob "Secret!" (What - will the beef explode if not eaten in 15 seconds?)
Lamb kabob "Surprise!" (Ummm... I dunno - it's not lamb?)
I have a funny feeling I'm going to pass on ordering from Asteroids. Any restaurant that reminds me I may need Preparation H after eating their food is gonna get a pass.
Hysterical! You have to wonder if maybe English is not their first language...?
I'm praying English isn't their first language. Otherwise, we should all weep for our public school system!
"PLEASE EAT OUR FOOD FOR MIRACLE COLON CLEANSE! FORGET ACAI BERRY...ONE BITE OF SECRET KABOB MEAT AND YOU ARE ON CAN FOR HOURS!"
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