Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Just another DC lunch hour...

At lunchtime on Tuesday, a deranged naked guy pulled a Jeep Cherokee up in front of a building one block from my office. Clearly disoriented, he walked into an office building, went to the eighth floor, pulled the fire alarm, smashed through an office window, and jumped to his death.

Now, it's tragic that someone was disturbed enough to do this. And Tuesday was a damn cold day. (As a male friend noted - not being callous, but merely sympathetically observational, "Oh, I bet he had massive shrinkage.") But the question on my mind is why did the building security guard let a deranged naked guy pass him and get on the elevator? I know rent-a-cops aren't paid much, but, c'mon! Wouldn't you at least try to stop the naked dude from going upstairs?!?

Then, deranged naked guy gets off at the eighth floor and sets off the fire alarm.

Now, imagine being a worker on the eighth floor of Naked Central...

You're at your desk, eating your Soho Market buffet goo downtown lunch, taking a sip of your Diet Cherry Coke, and there goes that damn fire alarm. Downtown buildings always seem to choose the worst weather to make you hoof it downstairs and wait to get back inside, you think.

But no, leaving your desk and the remains of your carbtacular lunch behind, you see him: deranged naked guy. He's pushing past your coworkers, headed straight for you, and your TPS report (you know, the one Lumbergh made you come in on Saturday and Sunday to work on?), and the remains of your General Tso's Hope-it's-Chicken.

But, he's polite. Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me!

And then, in a flash, he's past your desk. He's at your window, kicking and kicking. And just like that, he's gone, out the window.

What kind of therapy will you be in for years to come? What kind of nightmares will you have? Why did he choose your office as his suicide weapon of choice? Do you get paid leave after someone kills himself in front of you? Does the company health plan cover psychological services?

Deranged naked man is now at rest, but he's surely left a great deal of distress and anguish and sadness behind for his family and friends( and some traumatized office workers and passersby.) It must be a difficult Thanksgiving for them all.

I don't have a good ending for this post. Since I read this story yesterday morning, I've been thinking about just what snaps in someone to make them drive naked to a strange office and kill himself. And I just can't fathom it.

Be at peace, naked guy. And may your family find peace, too.


Vecordious One said...

You are toying with me, aren't you?

Testing whether or not I will laugh.

How is it you can make death seem somewhat hilarious. That is a rare gift.

Yes, I laughed and now I shall go off and feel guilty for the rest of the day.

However, for the record...I plan on keeping my clothes on and well away from nearby windows.

Crazy, but not that crazy, yet!

Claire said...

How bizarre. If I were that security guard, i really wouldn't have gone on the record saying I'd seen the guy and even talked to him. At the point he says the guy was incoherent, he should've been calling somebody or something.

How much do you want to bet his family gets stuck with the parking ticket too?