Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Will Write for Food

It's been six weeks of unemployment. I feel like I'm losing ground. In the past few days, I've received a flurry of rejection letters, and that's very disheartening. It would be one thing were I in my early 20's and had a cornucopia of choices ahead, but that's not the case.

Because I do not have a family of my own (and no pets, unless you uncharitably count the kitchen mice), it's important to me that this next job be something fulfilling. Something that I won't hate and won't make me very sad to be merely alive and just slogging along on my own personal Bataan Death March.

I don't think some of my family and friends understand this. They just want me to find A job. I don't think they understand that hearing about their lives and homes and kids and spouses is not a replacement for those missing elements in my own life. And I don't think they have a firm grasp on the skills and abilities I have - and more importantly - on the ones I don't have . I'm a good writer, and, honestly, I would like to be writing for a living. Regrettably, I have nothing published and no real editing experience, which is usually part and parcel of writing jobs available in this area. Plus, people who read my stuff tell me I am in desperate need of an editor, myself, so I don't think I have particularly shining skills in that area...

I'm living off of credit now, and I feel very bad when I leave the apartment to get food (try getting excited about making a meal in a room with rodents) or go to water aerobics because gas is so expensive. And I feel that I'm being self-indulgent just writing this entry considering the state of the world.

I paid $20 to attend a networking meeting tomorrow evening in downtown DC. It's sponsored by Women In International Trade (WIIT). There will be reps there from the the federal agency where I previously toiled. I sincerely hope none of the women who caused me so much misery at Job X will be there. I still have to fight the urge to spit on them or ream them out (which would feel great, but most likely would be counterproductive at a networking event...)

I'm trying to figure out how low I can go on salary and still afford rent. I think I'm looking at a dramatic reduction in my lifestyle. I never figured I would be downwardly mobile at this point in my life, but that looks like the path I'm taking. It's very frustrating. I see my friends excel and make progress, and I'm not even treading water anymore.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, Merujo.

I'll keep all my fingers & toes crossed that a worthy cause/opportunity will appear soon!

sdkl hf zlkdhjdf kl lzd fk*

* - note to self: more practice typing with crossed fingers required...