Back in April, I wrote an entry about this car I saw parked in downtown Bethesda. It was a new silver Mercedes with vanity plates and a metal nutsack hanging down below the bumper. (These abominations are called Bumper Nuts. 'Nuff said.) I wondered who the hell was so insecure he had to hang a big aluminum scrotum on his car.
I found out tonight. Some schmuck pulled a U-turn directly in front of me, forcing me to slam on my brakes and nearly plant my face into the windshield. As this weasel boy pulled past me, he smirked and laughed. He was wearing sunglasses (at 10:00 at night - how lame and Corey Hart is that?)and a baseball cap turned backwards and had a studied "I am sooo hot" layer of stubble on his chin.
What else did he have? Why, a silver Mercedes with vanity plates and metal testicles swinging in the breeze!
Damn! At last I've seen him! And he is, indeed, just what expected a Bumper Nuts customer to be: a big loser who wears sunglasses at night and spins turns in front of oncoming traffic. Schmuck.
The evil half of me wants to post his vanity plate, but I know that would be wrong. I'll just have to file it away. Sasquatch, dude - I hate to tell you - I think he lives in your 'hood...